Did anyone see that teaser they showed for Doctor Who last night? What the fuck was that behind the President??!! I am right royally freaked out before the new series has even begun. All the Twitter hype from those lucky smugos who got to see the screening a couple of weeks ago suggest this is Doctor Who's darkest and scariest opener yet. I am so excited that I haven't been able to talk about it out loud, lest I deafen/bore/squeeze to death the poor recipient of my Doctor Who based rant/high-pitched noise. So I'm getting all my excitement out in list form. Since I was not privy to the screening this blog has a no spoilers guarantee. Don't you worry, I'm just a crazed fan like you. So here is my Top Five Doctor Who Series Six Predictions.
5.Pond Legs
I predict that Amy Pond will wear the tiniest skirts in the most inappropriate and potentially life threatening situations. For example, maybe she's trapped in a pit and is about to be eaten by a giant sand beast. She looks around and sees a wall with rocks that jut out and decides to scale it to escape her certain doom. Surely this is a situation for jeans, yes? Potential knee scrapage and all that? To be fair if I had legs like Karen Gillan I'd wear tiny skirts all the time too. Also there would certainly be outrage from the male nerd population if her legs were hidden away in jeans so thank Moffat for Amy Pond and her wee skirts.
4. RUN!
My next prediction is the hallmark of many a sci-fi show, lots of running. Look out a Dalek! RUN! You will be deleted! RUN! Must find the Master! RUN! Shit, it's the Master! RUN! Flying Shark! RUN! End of the Universe! RUN! Pft, I'm all puffed out. I predict the cast will have run at least one marathon while filming. The Doctor doesnae dawdle, eh?
3. AAAH!!! WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT?
As I mentioned in my preamble this series is set to be seriously scary apparently, a return to the hiding-behind-the-sofa-days for real. Doctor Who does scary good; the Weeping Angels terrified the living daylights out of me. I still get freaked out by statues, thanks a lot Moffat! But actually though thanks Moffat, excellent scare. Another one of his great creations was the Vashta Nerada, a swarm of carnivorous creatures masquerading as shadows. And of course who could forget the Empty Child. Feeding on a common fear of the image of the gas mask and making it all the more creepy by putting it on a child (for some reason children are always well more creepy than adults) and then making it a monstrous creature that turns you into a vision of itself with one touch. 'Are you my mummy?' An advert for staying away from lost children if ever I saw one. What could possibly be more terrifying than that? The Silence, apparently. Shit.
2. BRITAIN, BRITAIN, BRITAIN
Even though the opener is set on American soil, Doctor Who is, was and will always be quintessentially British. We've got all the good history, Shakespeare, Queen Victoria, Charles Dickens, Agatha Christie, Winston Churchill and who knows who'll pop up in this series? The doctor himself is essentially an eccentric Englishman, with his bow tie and his tweed and his Police Box Spaceship, all iconic and all British. I bet Gallifrey was a bit like Britain, Britain with red grass. This series we are lucky to have an episode written by brilliant British fantasy novelist, Neil Gaiman. NEIL FUCKING GAIMAN! I am beside myself with excitement for that particular episode especially. As well as being dark and scary and all that this time around, doctor Who is always a caper and no one does a caper like we do a caper. Bring on the japes.
1. Domestic Strife?
The Doctor now has a married couple travelling with him after Rory and Amy's nuptials at the end of last series. How will the dynamics change? Will our Doctor feel somehow jealous of his counterparts because being a loan ranger has always been his thing? But then there's River Song. Who IS she? Who is she? Is she the Doctor's missus? Have Rory and Amy shown the Doctor that travelling through time and space with yer other half is actually no bad? Will the Doctor finally decide to pick a lady and stick? Oh the questions. Questions that may begin to be answered in T-Minus 20 MINUTES!
I will be back tomorrow with a short yet gushing post about tonights episode. Enjoy Who fans! GAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!
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