Porky-Pies, Wins the Prize

I love this weeks task. It's all about buying and negotiation according to Shoogs. They're given a list of 10 obscure items to source and then haggle down to the best price they can get. It's battle of the sexes again with Jim-Jam-Jamie heading up the boys team while Liz is PM for the girls. Obviously I'm rooting for my sisters, 'mone the girls! They've got Liz AND Stella, what could possibly go wrong?

My girls get off to a flying start, all sourcing and organising meetings and whatnot. The boys on the other hand all run off, arms flailing, in different directions. Who's getting what? Where from? Who knows?! Stupid boys.

It's a cryptic list, what are these mystery items? A Tikka? A Bluebook? How on earth to find out? I mean, what would you do? Yeah, exactly, GOOGLE IT! From what I saw on Twitter, I was not the only one screaming this at the telly. Maybe Shoogs had banned it, so instead of using their logic like the girls the boys panic like a maths dud in a non-calculator exam. Wouldn't it be great if the the items were joke items; Baggsy would be sent for a long stand, Chris would be sent for some tartan paint etc. (sketch and/or impressions shows, you are welcome to use this idea).

Hmmm, but what's this? Jim-Jam-Jamie is quite a good negotiator, could the girls be in trouble? Could be, but hey, they got a whole pound off that sewing machine! Still, I remain convinced the girls have this one in the bag.

The star of the show this week, hands down, is pretty-boy Chris and his sweet little lies. When they finally discover what a Bluebook is (it's to do with the knowledge, you know) Chris explains that he needs the book for his brother who's taking his exam and he borrowed them and left them somewhere or something(?). Later we discover he needs some tartan for his nan because he's going to a wedding in Scotland and it's her birthday(?). Basically he hypnotises them with his beautiful eyes to get them down to the price he wants.

It's getting near the end of the task and everyone's panicking because this week they've got to get back to the boardroom by a certain time, a la America's Next Top Model. The girls are ticking their items off the list, one by one. Stella and Laura head to Knightsbridge for their truffles, after Stella fails to get her old mucka, Gordon Ramsay on the phone. Instead they go to a super posh restaurant and pay 200 quid for their truffles and leave. I'm none the wiser, I know nothing about truffles. The boys on the other hand are struggling to source their final few items. Poor Jim-Jam-Jamie's being haunted by a worktop. Oh dear.

As they all race to the finish line very slowly in their London cabs, things get very tense. 'Come on big man up there!' Stella implores. Does she mean God? Or Shoogs? Or maybe Big Ben, because he could hold back the time because he's a big clock? They all make it back, the girls a little late, but who cares? They've won this, easy.

Karen and Nick reveal the results. The boys have incurred £500 worth of penalties for items they've missed. Better luck next time lads- wait, what? The boys have won? But how? Turns out the girls negotiating was horrendous. Baggsy shrewdly observes the ridiculousness of the situation, 'How good are we? Even when we're shit we still win.' Quote of the series so far. So Herr Baggs becomes Monsieur Baggs when the winning team are sent to ACTUAL PARIS! A real bonefide treat, that is actually good?! This has indeed been a bizarre week.

Meanwhile, down at the end of Loser Street in Heartbreak Cafe, the girls are clearly feeling a little sheepish after their embarrassing loss and Stella points out the obvious, they just didn't negotiate hard enough. So disappointed. However, this does mean Laura will be in losing team, a chance for her to finally get booted off? We shall see... Liz saves Jo and takes Laura (yas!) and Stella into the boardroom because of the truffle debacle. Stella and Liz are both pretty brilliant. They're articulate and shrewd ('I hold my hands up' and 'I take that on board' aside), Laura has nae chance. She's FIRED! Ding! Dong! The whinger's gone! Thank CHRIST for that! Although I was very much on the girls' side this week, it all worked out for the best in the end and the most mind bogglingly irritating huffer the Apprentice ever did see is sent on her way. Cho! *Gets out Maracas and does a little dance*

On the way back to the house, it appears that Liz has taken some of the things Stella said a little too personally. 'It's a shame Laura went. She'll be missed.' Really? Have you seen Laura? Clearly this is meant as a dig at Stella who is too 'corporate' for Shoogs corporation(?). We shall see how this feud plays out next week when the teams will be Tour Guides. From the previews this looks more excruciating than any of the other tasks and they get to wear stupid uniforms and Baggsy and Chris nearly get into a fight. Brilliant!