Silly hats = great task. Fact. This week the candidates meet Shoogs at a Wandsworth bus depot and are told their task will be to set up and run a London tour company with tours on both bus and foot. I can sense the cringes creeping in already.
Stuart heads up Stella and Liz in Synergy. In the brainstorming Stella is passionate about an East End, cor blimey gov'ner, jellied eels, up the apples and pears, would you Adam and Eve it, Cockney theme. Well maybe it's because she's a Londoner, why Stella loves London so (sorry). Jo, meanwhile, takes charge of Jamie and Chris who go for a ghosties, ghoulies, blood, guts and Sweeney Todd theme. Jamie does his best Igor impression to pitch it to his team and it's a winning pitch.
And they're off! Liz finds a jellied eel man for her tour and tells him to cockney it up a bit for the punters. Oh dear, he does not look impressed. On the other team Jo is driving poor Jamie completely round the twist, nagging at him like an overbearing mother. Finally he snaps, apparently she's been 'rubbing him all day' (ooh la la). So with the walking and bus routes chosen it's time drum up some business. Each team is given the opportunity to pitch to the London Tourist Centre to become their tour of the day. Baggsy's team price themselves out of the game at £35 for an adult ticket but Jo's team fair better with Chris offering a massive 20% of ALL THEIR PROFITS. Of course they're going to take that deal but has Chris just shot himself in the foot?
Jim-Jam-Jamie is doing a pretty good job tour guiding, although his shtick is properly stomach churning and full of gore. Of course, if you pay for a ghosties and ghoulies tour, you're defo getting your money's worth. As the day continues, Jamie just gets better and better with his ludicrous facts. Here are just a few facts a la Jamie about some famous London landmarks:
The Thames - 'the second biggest river in London.'
Big Ben - 'the face of the clock is 20 diameters in width.'
The Gherkin - 'It's called the Gherkin because it looks like a gherkin,'
Wow Jamie, you are wrecking my head.
Baggsy takes it to the next level this week, hovering around Jo's team's pitch, trying to nick their customers. He's unsuccessful of course because no-one likes to be harassed, therefore no-one likes to be doubly harassed, therefore nobody likes to be harassed Baggsy style. Chris steps in to try to reason with Baggs ('just fuck off, mate') and Baggs is all in his face, 'Go on then, hit me.' Do it Chris, do it! FIGHT! Unfortunately Baggsy walks away unscathed, even though he's been asking for it all series.
Stella is the tour guide for Baggsy's team because it's a chance for her to show Shoogs her silly, fun side. However, it turns out she's about as silly and fun as a soggy jam sandwich and she has no idea what she's talking about: she announces landmarks they've driven past 100 yards ago, she can't find the jellied eel stand on the walking tour, she takes the tourists down a back street to look at some graffiti and then asks them if they think it's a Banksy and she dismally fails to get a sing-song going to 'Knees-up Mother Brown'. Oh lord. Jamie's bus, on the other hand, are having a rare old time singing 'London's Burning'. He may be the farthest from an authority on London you could get but he has charisma and the folks like his patter. Bad luck Stella.
So the task is over and although Jo's team appear to have done better, will their 20% commission bury them? It's time to find out as we enter the Boardroom. Of course it hasn't buried them! They win, in no small part thanks to Jamie who carried the whole task on his ludicrous shoulders. They're prize is a trip to....Jersey. Well, it's a step down from ACTUAL Paris but it'll do I suppose. Meanwhile down at the end of Loser Street in Heartbreak Cafe, Baggs believes they must all collectively take the blame but let's see if he throws anyone under the tour bus when they're in front of the firing squad.
Shoogs gives all three of them a chance to defend themselves and convince him that they should be in his final five. It's Baggsy's turn first, cue the most ludicrous tirade of nonsense you have ever heard leave a man's mouth. Not only does he make outlandish claims that he will make gazillions of pounds for a new, as yet unconceived, business he'll set up with Shoogs, he also says this:
'I'm not a one trick pony, I'm not a ten trick pony, I've got a field of ponies waiting to literally run towards this.'
I know, I have no words either. He then tells Shoogs about his prosperous yo-yo empire and how he did it all himself. I feel bad for Liz and Stella, in a how-can-they-possibly-follow-that? kind of way, not that it was good, just that it was ridiculous and they'll probably be trying to recover from it, process the ponies. Liz and Stella defend themselves but I can't for the life of me remember how, it's the shock. I hope I'm reading this wrong but is Shoogs IMPRESSED with Baggs? Well, 'as nutty as it sounds' Liz, you're fired. WHAT?! A nonsense and a travesty, however it does mean that Baggs will be about for the interviews next week which sees the welcome return of Margaret Mountford, hurray! Let's hope she annihilates Baggs the Brand, maybe she'll be the one to punch him.
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