Big Fat Gypsy Weddings is raking in the viewers with audiences of over 8 million in its second week. The series has emerged from the one-off documentary exploring the lavish phenomenon of the larger than life traveller weddings and sets itself up to be a further exploration of travellers, they're traditions and customs. Clearly it's a source of interest, as the travelling community is so secretive but, as the series is progressing it's clear that far from being a bit of trash TV, Big Fat Gypsy Weddings is something far more sinister.
Week one was a fairly jolly jape as we were shown the garish wedding and communion dresses and given just a touch of background info on travellers and traveller weddings. It ended on a rather sour note however, as we were shown a glimpse of the aggressive courting ritual known as 'grabbing', where a girl is carried off by a boy who twists her arm, etc. to try and get a kiss. But overall, the programme was more of the same, more dresses than documentary. Week two cranked up the disturbing footage, showing very young girls gyrating to hip hop like grown, sexual women and the eviction of one traveller site, leaving many homeless. This weeks episode was simply depressing from start to finish as it focused on the girls' role in the travelling community.
Young bride (although apparently old by traveller standards), 18 year old Lizzy, tells us that the traveller girls know their place: 'We ain't going to be doctors or lawyers or anything. Housewives, that's what we're going to be.' Taken out of education at 11, Lizzy became responsible for the housework and taking care of her younger siblings. Now that Lizzy is to be married, her younger sister, Margaret, is leaving school to take Lizzy's place. It's pretty heartbreaking to see a 13 year old girl shouldering all that responsibility, especially when she's clearly overwhelmed by it all. It's also easier to understand the extravagant weddings when you consider the supposed drudgery of many traveller girls' lives. For one day they get to be the most important person, they are the princess so it's no wonder they get so carried away. Everyone wants the biggest dress, the most lavish cake because then you're 'known for at least something that you've done', as Lizzy puts it. I'm not putting down women as housewives, but these girls seem to have no choice in the matter and clearly that's where the issue lies.
A shocking statistic revealed that over half all traveller wives have experienced domestic abuse, a fact that doesn't seem surprising when we see the way traveller boys treat the girls as the issue of 'grabbing' rears its ugly head again. When asked if they think that the girls enjoy it the boys reply no, but they do it anyway because it's expected. It seems these particular boys have been brought up in such a way that they have a sense of entitlement as they know that in their community, the men are privelleged to do as they please while the women have harsh restrictions placed on them from the get go. This goes some way to explaining the lack of respect these boys show for the girls when it comes to 'grabbing'. Dressing up this aggressive ritual as a 'tradition' or 'part of their culture', doesn't excuse the fact that it is abuse and harassment, plain and simple.
There is a glimmer of hope for the future of travelling girls in the form of Noreen who, unusually, has a job working in a cake shop and believes in living life before she gets married. Unlike many others, she stayed in education and can read and write better than most, including the boys. She wants to be the one in charge in her married life and would like to have her husband wrapped around her finger, a view probably influenced by her Auntie who managed to escape her abusive marriage, divorcing her husband and raising her children on her own. Noreen seems to be evidence that attitudes of some travellers are changing, if a little slowly.
Yes, the programme is interesting and provoking, with next weeks episode focussing on the boys of the travelling community, but the tone of the episode changes so frequently, with comedic music played over footage of 'grabbing', it's unclear what the documentary makers intentions are. Ultimately, this week showed that there's nothing funny about the travellers way of life as, for me, the lack of respect for women and the apparent violence outweigh the 14 stone dresses.
I think I saw this episode a while back and was also completely depressed by it.
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