David Morrissey in riding boots looking all brooding and angry? Oh, all right then, I'll have a look... Morrissey perving aside, the BBC's new mini-series based on the novel South Riding looked as good as any other glossy, sexy, high-budget drama. Of COURSE I was going to watch it.
The story begins with a plethora of romantic imagery: a handsome man galloping astride a horse along a beach and over wild moors, a beautiful woman in red aboard a steam train as it snakes its way through the same wild landscape. The handsome man is (obviously) Morrisey and the beautiful woman, our heroine, Sarah Burton, played by Anna Maxwell Martin (off of Bleak House and Doctor Who). Now, I've never read the book but right away I knew it; these two are going to shag. Fact.
It's 1934 and our heroine, Miss Burton, is applying for the post of headmistress in an all girls school in the small English town of South Riding. It's clear from the off that this lady is here to shake things up, I mean, look at her, she's wearing RED! The board of governors doing the interviewing includes Mr. Carne (Morrissey) who seems to take an instant dislike to Miss Burton and she to him (they are SO hot for each other). But uh-oh, what's this? Looks like Mr. Carne's got some competition. It seems as though Mr. Astell (played by Scot actor Douglas Henshall, off of Primeval) has got designs on Miss Burton too. He's being all nice and sensitive to her (but she knows Carne would be a better shag). Despite Mr. Carne voting against the decision, the radical Miss Burton gets the post and runs off into the sea in a SWIMSUIT to celebrate. Saucy.
We meet two of the girls Miss Burton will no doubt inspire, Midge Carne, daughter of Mr. Carne and Lydia Holly, a rough 'n' ready girl from the rural slum known as the 'Shacks'. Midge Carne, played brilliantly by Katherine McGlopin, is clearly disturbed by traumatic events involving her mother and is highly strung to put it mildly. Lydia, played by Charlie Clarke, is tough on the outside (holing up her fist to another girl,' You see this? It smells of dead girls. Think on.' Brilliant) but on the inside she is a literary prodigy. Great characters, well cast all with their own interesting back stories, but when will Mr. Carne and Miss Burton sleep together???
Both Mr. Carne and Miss Burton have sad love stories: her fiance died in the war and his wife has been sectioned so both could do with a bit of sexy times. Towards the end of the first episode Miss Burton's car conveniently breaks down outside Mr. Carne's barn, so, sex is coming up, yeah? Well, he's having a bit of trouble birthing a calf so in a strangley erotically charged scene she stickes her hand up the cow and helps him out. Who knew sticking your arms up cows could be sexy? Even though she spends the night at casa de Carne, nothing happens. GUTTED.
When this weeks episode rolled around I was 98% sure that this was the week that Carne and Burton would get frisky. The events that unfolded while I was waiting were more than enough to keep me watching; drama unfolds at the shacks as Lydia's mother becomes seriously ill after becoming pregnant one too many times. Unfortunately it's too late for Mrs. Holly and she passes away leaving Lydia with the motherly roles, meaning she has to leave school. Midge, meanwhile, is turning into a right little rotter, torturing a poor old teacher to the point that she smacks Midge round the face with a ruler. Well, she deserved it. Hopefully next week will uncover more fully Midge's issues surrounding her mother. All of this combined with the corruption in the council surrounding the sale of land for an estate to replace the run-down shacks, made for pretty gripping viewing. And to top it all, it seems the big moment has arrived.
Mr. Carne and Miss Burton have, in another fabulous coincidence, booked into the same Manchester Hotel. And they're getting on, making eyes over a roaring fire, going out for dinner and dancing and then finally, they both decide the best thing to do would be to go back to the hotel and SHAG! YAS! So Miss Bennett heads to her room, tarts her self up in her sexy jammies and waits for Mr. Carne's arrival. And there he is and he's going to get into her bed but then - DISASTER! He has some kind of attack, possibly a panic attack or perhaps something relating to an old war injury, either way it puts an end to what was a sure thing. GUT-TED. Next week I'm taking no chances, I'm filling the telly room with candles and roses and oysters stuffed with strawberries floating in champagne and Marvin Gaye will be singing 'Let's Get it On' on the stereo, LET'S DO THIS THING.
Seriously though, bizarre and creepy fixation with fictional characters having sex aside, South Riding has been fantastic. The cast has been brilliant, the story gripping and as always the costumes and sets have been beautifully executed. I hope the conclusion ties up all the lose ends, the SEXY lose ends. Wink, wink, nudge, nudge (sorry).
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