One Born Every Minute: 'You made that.'

I love babies. I'm a mass of hormones and a gooey mess every time I see a baby, more so if it's a newborn. What a privilege it is to be able to experience the arrival of these little bundles with their families as we do in 'One Born Every Minute' which was back on Channel 4 for a new series last night. The unobtrusive manner of the static camera's give OBEM a realism and sensitivity rarely scene in other fly on the wall docs.

First up iss 18 year old Janet who has come in to be induced along with her mother, Mandy and her rather unusual baby-daddy, Ralph (he's reading Tiberius). An eccentric but well meaning young man, Ralph has lucked out with the lovely Janet, who, for a first-timer, handles the labour remarkably well. She also has some brilliant quotes, like this one, 'Babies have that new baby smell, like a new car but not the same. Like little rabbits.' And this one, 'I just want to get this over with so I can put my pants back on.' And that's before the gas and air. This one is wise.

Meanwhile, our second lady in labour is Stephanie who is flipping out Exorcist style in another room. Shit, she is loud. Is she having Rosemary's baby? From her own room Janet hears her screams. Rather sweetly but unconvincingly, Ralph tries to reassure her that it's probably just a creaking door. Well whatever it is it's making me turn the sound down, distressing is not the word. Give the woman an epidural! Fucking NOW! Phew. She likes the epidural. So do my ears. And then pop (well, maybe not quite). There he is, all tiny and slimy, blinking like a dazed little alien who's just crash-landed. I'm shocked by how overwhelmed I become with emotion. It is amazing.

Back to Janet and after an age of waiting and some contraction inducing 'jungle juice' there's still nothing. A cheesed off Janet is working her way through a puzzle book and Ralph's nearly finished Tiberius (probably). He talks of his hope for his son, how he wants him to learn and be interested in things and be proud to be different if turns out like his mum and dad. Ralph will clearly be a fantastic dad. Things take a turn for the terrifying when Janet has to be rushed for an emergency delivery. Because she's just a young 'un, she understandably wants her mum with her so poor old soul Ralph has to wait outside until his son is born. We're all with you Ralph! I feel ill for him. And then it's over; another new life arrives. Baby Callum. When Ralph meets his son for the first time it is just an incredible moment and I am sobbing uncontrollably. A truly beautiful start to the series.

The real heart of the show are the self-confessed old-school midwives, Kay and Barbara. You see what kind of ladies these are when Kay is having trouble moving a cot: 'Oh botheration' is her response. Barbara quotes Florence Nightingale when describing her bedside manner, 'Every patient in this house should be treated as an honoured guest.' I hope if I have babies my midwife will be of this ilk, offering me a cup of tea and a slice of battenberg when I'm in the deepest throws of labour. Every woman and their labour is different and that is why I could never tire of OBEM. It's just pure life.