Top Five Festive Telly

Happy New Year all! I'm back after spending time with the family playing the Wii what Santa brought us, eating lovely food, inexplicably unavailable the rest of the year round, drinking a vat of wine every day and losing yet another game of Trivial Pursuit because the questions are twenty bloody years old! Anyway, as this most festive season draws to a close and we take down the our trees and begin the half-arsed diet and fitness regimes, let's reminisce on what telly had to offer us this Christmas and New Year.

5.Whistle and I'll come to you
Another adaptation of the classic M.R. James ghost story was screened this Christmas Eve on BBC2 with John Hurt in the lead role. The story has been tinkered with and given an interesting new angle as Hurt's character has just made the difficult move to put his wife, who is suffering from dementia, in a home. This new version plays on the idea of being haunted by guilt and sorrow at having lost the woman he once knew. As well as being surprisingly poignant it was also bloody terrifying. The shrouded figure, never moving but drawing ever closer is terrifying and that bust in the hotel room is by the far the creepiest thing I ever did see. It's a true testament to the original story that the most chilling aspect of all is still the phrase, 'Who is this who is coming.' It never fails to send shivers down the spine.

4.Upstairs, Downstairs
When the original Upstairs, Downstairs aired in the early 70s I didn't even exist so I entered the viewing experience with completely fresh eyes. Jean Marsh returns to 165 Eaton Place as housekeeper, Rose Buck, with a fantastic cast of new characters. It's pre WWII, the power of the aristocracy is dwindling and the King has abdicated to marry his fancy American piece, Wallis Simpson. Yes sirree, the times they are a-changin'. There's a lot going on in 165 Eaton Place: fascists, German-Jewish refugees, flirting under doors, deaths, births, drivers having it away with the lady of the house, Cecil Beaton taking photos, footmen dismissed cos they're a bit mental, missing pies, secret sisters, mute children and a monkey. The styling was beautiful, the accents were clipped and proper, the kind found only on Giles Brandreth today. Special mention goes to Eileen Atkins, who gives a fantastic performance as the formidable Lady Maud Holland, delivering wonderfully written lines such as, 'I told Agnes to vomit in her handbag, but she refused on the grounds that it was suede lined.' Also, the Christmas tree in the final scene was so beautiful it made me cry.

3.Father Ted Night
It's a brand new year but you wish it was over already because the mariachis band parading around your head are painfully out of tune and they have invited a troupe of tap dancers to join in. OUCH. So all you can do is sit on the couch and see if anything on the telly can drown them out. This year, Channel 4 put on a night dedicated to Father Ted and it was just what the doctor ordered. First of all, I LOVE Father Ted. It reminds me of being young and quoting it endlessly with my brother (after going to mass with my Dad, 'Great, mass!'). Writers Arthur Matthews and Graham Linehan reveal their influences, favourite moments and episodes. Viewer's pick their favourite episode too, 'Speed 3' (also one of my faves, Pat Mustard is a wonderfully disturbing creation) Some of the cast get together and go back to Craggy Island's parochial house, which is now a Mecca for Ted fans. Also the evening gave us a chance to reflect on the driving force of the show, Dermot Morgan. A brilliantly funny actor who is still sorely missed. Without him Ted wouldn't be Ted. So hats off to Mr. Matthews and Mr. Linehan for casting him in the lead role. Imagine a world without Father Ted? Nope. Can't do it.

2.Peep Show
The Christmas Eve and Hogmanay episodes of Peep Show rounded off series seven, providing LOL after LOL until I cried. Christmas was particularly special as the El Dude brothers battle through a hugely awkward and cringe-tastic day with Mark's parents, Super Hans and Dobby. Mark is stressed out by the whole affair, 'Merry migraine and Happy New stomach ulcer.' Jeremy's unquenchable Christmas spirit was an eye-opener as a few friends pointed out, 'that's you, that is.' And it was. I consider myself to be the spirit of the festive season and woe betide you who rock my Christmas boat. As Jez says when he turns down sex with Mark's sister in the name of Father Christmas, 'Of course I don't believe in Jesus but I do believe in Christmas. I'm a Christmasist.' Mark's dad is the Grinch to Jez's Tiny Tim, snide, sexist and homophobic but he gets his comeuppance when Mark shreds his Christmas dinner, 'Merry Christ-Mark!' Yeah!

1.Doctor Who: A Christmas Carol
Doctor. Fucking. Who. No one speak! It's Doctor. Fucking. Who. One whole hour of blissful geeking out in a very Christmassy way. Stephen Moffat's fantastically Whoed-up Christmas Carol sees the Doctor having to save the lives of Amy, Rory and everyone else on a ship about to crash. Michael Gambon plays the superbly named Kazran Sardick, who could save all their lives but he's bit of an old Scrooge (hoho). The Doctor has to change his mind and so uses the tools he has, namely a big ol' blue time machine, to go back into Kazran's past and change his memories. The writing is so perfect, as it glides along smoothly through the clever twists and turns and there's a flying shark. A FLYING SHARK. Yes, I know, it is the coolest thing ever. Katherine Jenkins does a turn as Kazran's love interest, whom he and the Doctor defrost every Christmas Eve and take her on various jaunts and japes. She even gets to do a song at the end, which is nice. Sitting on the sofa, full of turkey and bread sauce, it was exactly the right tone and pace for early Christmas Day evening. With the teasers for the new series shown straight after the Christmas special, I genuinely cannot wait. Sublime. More of the same please, Mr. Moffat!