This will not be a popular opinion but whatever haters, I think Dancing On Ice is better than Strictly. Just saying. And I'll tell you for why, it's DANCING on ICE. When people are dancing on a floor and doing a good job, I'm impressed. But when people are dancing on BLADES on ICE and doing a good job, I'm thinking 'Holy shit! That is amazing! How are they doing that?!!' It's also massively more dangerous and therefore more nail-bitingly exciting when they pull moves like the head-banger out of their locker. Yeah, beat that possible brain-damage, Strictly! Pip and Holly are pretty standard presenters but at least they don't make my toes curl so much that they're half way up my back, like Old Brucie. CRINGE. Another unpopular opinion I'm sure, but he's not funny. 'Oh but Suzanne, don't you think he's funny in a he's-so-not-funny-it-makes-him-kind-of-funny way?' Nope. Just not funny. I feel I've now justified my love for Dancing on Ice over Strictly, so what's happening this year?
In two two-hour long extravaganzas the contestants (the blanket term celebrity isn't appropriate here) have been whittled down from sixteen to twelve. A baffling exercise, I feel. Why couldn't they have just asked twelve in the first place instead of these nonsensical pre-shows?: 'Even though you've rehearsed for weeks like in the real competition and danced on telly this week like in the the real competition and the public have voted like in the real competition, the real competition hasn't begun yet.' Right... Well anyway, we have our final twelve contestants and they include, a war hero, Richard and Judy's daughter, a Loose Woman, a washed-up rapper, a sports guy (not sure which sport, they all look the same to me. I'm a sportist), some Katona woman, a pretty boy what used to be in Eastenders and Ashley off Corrie (it's OK folks, he's not dead he's just ON ICE. THANK GOD). Pretty standard line-up it seems.
Stand-out dancer so far for me is Leon what used to be in Eastenders but isn't any more because it turns out he IS just a pretty face. Now, however, it seems he can dance ON ICE as well so I'll look forward to his weekly routines and maybe we might find a personality in there somewhere too. We can but hope. I'm also happy to see Ashley off Corrie dancing ON ICE, like Mark off Eastenders before him, rather tentatively and a bit wobbly but give him a break, he is ON ICE.
The judges, as per usual, consist of one panto villain, a previous winner from Yawnsville, Whogivesashit and professional guy who technically knows what he's talking about but fails to deliver his verdict with any charisma. But I'm not watching for the judges, I'm watching for the skating and the dancing and Torville and Dean performing like they're still twenty and the trips and the tumbles and the costumes and the sexy professional skaters and the heart-stopping possibility of a serious injury (by that I don't mean I want to actually see a serious injury, just the idea that it's possible and the consequent bravery of the contestants for doing it anyway). Right, who's first up for the head banger then? Bring on the icy terror!!!
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