I know I said I'd have my Apprentice posts up to date by now but as you can see that has not happened so I will say this briefly about week 4 - jeez Mel, talk about bowing-out graciously; and week 5 - a bit sad that Paloma, aka Grace Jones, was fired (mainly because I won't be able to use that nick-name any more). Anyway I feel I should move on and bring this blog bang up to date and also I have a lot to say about this week because it was bloody brilliant.
The episode begins with Shoogs paying the candidates a visit(I needed a new nickname to replace Grace Jones so I'm going with this one, alright? Yeah). So Shoogs is in the house (see? I think it's working well). With the candidates lined up in various states of dress, groggy and sleepy-eyed, oh wait, that's just Joanna, anyway Shoogs tells them they'll be designing a new brand of household cleaner. This includes the branding, packaging, radio ad. and TV ad. I am beside myself with excitement, please let someone rap!
The teams split off into their generic brainstorming boardrooms in the top ad agency that Shoogs has 'laid on' and choose their leaders. Apollo go with Alex; he'd be perfect for this task because of course if he were and apple pie, 'the apples inside would be orange'.....*tumbleweed*....yeah...
So anyway, Synergy go for ex-military Christopher as their leader and right away the team hash out a killer campaign model for their product: it's all black and white and you're all single and then you get this magic cleaning spray and you're not single and you have parties and passion, yeah! But at their focus group with some mums and toddlers one of the mums briefly mentions something about an octopus and 'Octo-Kleen' is born. Why do these products always have weird spelling? The Cuulliiii, or whatever it was, and now this? Their customers would be able to understand standard spelling, I'm sure.
Meanwhile Laura and Alex are doing some product research in the supermarket when Laura suggests the name 'Blitz', not bad you think but as Alex points out, the Blitz was some big bombing thing years ago in London or some shit like that and anyway the people that were in it are probably all dead. Oh Lord. When the team reconvene, armed with the product research and the info they gleaned from their focus group, they throw it all out the window and go for Chris' 'Germinator' idea. They then get some free time and decide to design a poster for a German indie film- hang on, sorry, it's their product label, a child (apparently) in sunglasses against a red background. And the bottle will be black? 'The Germinator: when an ordinary cleaner just won't shift that bloodstain.' That's one of mine, appealing mainly to the serial killer market.
Back on Synergy and running full pelt with the octopus idea, Christopher begins auditioning for a wife. For the advert I mean, not in real life and he doesn't want his pretend wife to be a minger, but she can be a rubbish actress though. And she is. Awful. Filming begins and I think Nick sums up Christopher's advert up quite well 'sending the daughter off to bed so she can, as an octopus, grope her husband.' Well eight hands are better than two - sorry, I just threw up all over my keyboard. The finished advert is shown to the advertising big-wigs. Horrific, tasteless, sexist, outdated, creepy and crap are just some of the words I jotted down while watching the 'Octo-Kleen' advert. You get the gist.
At least Synergy's effort is kinda, sorta funny-ish, 'Hasta la vista, Gravy', hehehe... Laura wants to pitch it but Alex gives Sandeesh the task and Laura sulks and huffs, it's just BOLLOCKS! Hmph! But regardless of the pitcher, the big-wigs think they've missed their market totally so really both teams make a right pig's ear of this weeks task.
In the boardroom Shoogs isn't happy and although neither team is the winner this week, Apollo win (but not really) and are sent off to claim their 'prize' of a night of Karaoke. Rubbish. Can't believe sleazy Christopher got out of this one.
Down at the end of Loser Street in Heartbreak Cafe, Alex is being lampooned by torpedoes of silence from his team. Awkward. Back in front of Shoogs Alex praises Sandeesh for her pitching efforts and chastises Laura for her adolescent mood swings. So naturally he brings back Sandeesh(?!) and Chris to the firing squad. Shoogs thinks Laura's getting away scott-free and he's sick of her whining so he sends her to her room along with the rest of the team. The final showdown sees Alex flare up a bit and shout, or whine loudly, that he did everything right but got some stuff a bit wrong and the others should be fired before him and blah blah blah. He comes across like a right plonker and is consequently fired, with regret though, by the Shoogs who comments that 'E's a nice enuff fella.' But Alex doesn't need you Shoogs! He's going to do it on his own! Oh jings.
oh yeah and Laura's still in a mood at the house, 'I can tell none of you wanted me to come back, Wha! Wha! Wha!' Yawn. Still, brilliant week though. Next week 'selling the big screen experience to the general public', not sure what this means but I look forward to finding out. Maybe someone will do a rap.
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